An actual public entry? Because I saw my friend Michelle blog and I want to do it too. Let's see...

* I haven't been working because my OCD is really, really bad. The compulsions this time mostly involve a lot of pacing and re-reading and re-editing things I've written, which is exhausting (often requiring naps or sedatives to stop the pacing) and unbelievably counter-productive to getting anything done. Sitting down to write this instead of reciting it while I walk around the house is actually kind of agonizing, but also my muscles are like "thank god she's sitting down with a heavy laptop on her and can't go anywhere till she's done writing".

* Then on top of that I got the flu, and because CVID is obnoxious, of course bronchitis came in on top of that. Spent a very uncomfortable afternoon in the ER getting fluids and then slept for about 4 days, that's not an exaggeration. I'm still tired as hell and this was two weeks ago.

* I learned the Bravely Second speedrun. I really like it as a speed game and I want to do well at it. Bonus: it forces me to sit down for 5-6 hours. (I'd love to get a time in the 3 hour range (sub-3 is world record) but that's what practice is for.)

Of course, last night I got near the end and the battery went on my 3DS. Um, how? It's plugged in...oh, no, the kitten chewed through it. In trying to see if it still worked I accidentally touched the exposed wire and my finger still tingles today. Maybe don't touch exposed wires that are plugged in, huh? (And yeah, we slather them with bitter agent and hide them whenever we can, but still the kittens chew. It's getting to be expensive and also: kittens, DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR MOUTHS. You're scaring your mom!)

* I need a new craft now that my temp blanket is done and I'm thinking of cross-stitching something SNES-era, like Chrono Trigger. Heaven forbid I use any of the extra yarn I have stashed around the house already...

* Annual trivia night was on Saturday. We didn't win, but I did feel useful because of a few things I knew. Oh my god this sentence is boring but I'm leaving it.

* I don't have anything else to say because I haven't done anything else in the past 2 weeks other than be sick and play video games. It's been too cold to leave the house (and the zipper broke on my warm coat because of course it did). Tomorrow I have 2 medical evaluations to see how well I'm doing at this resting thing and I'm not optimistic about what I'm going to hear.

I will now read this through once for revisions, once for proofreading, post it, and edit it to be public, and leave it ALONE because otherwise I'm going to lose the next 45 minutes to making it perfect and I really want to rest instead. I hear The Good Place is a thing I should watch? Maybe some of that.

Fault-finding comes from Fear

Whenever we find fault with others, whether through anger, contemptuous certainty, self-righteousness, or gossip, it is often based in fear. We may not be aware of our fears, but when we look deeply, we may discover the fear of rejection, loss of control, of unworthiness, or the fear of disconnection. But refraining alone is not enough by itself - it is just behavior modification - and it is neither healing nor transformative. Only through uncovering and consciously entering into the deep hole inside, welcoming the fear with curiosity and compassion, can we ultimately reconnect with the basic wholeness of our true nature.

-Ezra Bayda, "Quotable: On Right Speech"

Co-signed. Underlined. Worthy of a public post.